Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bittersweet Day

Why is it on the day that we should feel ecstatic that I feel overwhelmed, sad, stressed, tired....everything BUT ecstatic? Thru this whole experience we have felt the Overwhelming peace of God. I have known He is taking care of us and yet, today, the day that is supposed to be our last day of treatment I am sitting here wondering.....is it really over? I mean I know it is not over - we have diagnostics every three months or so and labs monthly for the next year. I still have to go in about my Thyroid nodule. I am feeling like the world is a rough place to be right now. I feel like our future is really up in the air - are we on the right path, is God switching our path and letting us know thru this series of events? I don't know. I broke down crying on the way home because I look at my daughter and she looks so small. She looks like a child again and not my feisty teen. She has been thru the medical ringer so to speak and she doesn't want to see the inside of the hospital ever again but has no choice (I know exactly how she feels right now as I face my own giants.)I think the only thing holding me together right now is knowing WHO is carrying us thru this all.
If I had to walk right now - I'd fall down in a pathetic heap. I'm clinging and that is all I can do right now.

1 comment:

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Once again I'm unable to walk, too. I feel a sense of foreboding in the world....

We all need the love and support of our Heavenly Father right now. I'll keep you and your beautiful daughter in my prayers, my friend.