Well, yesterday I got out of the shower after a long day homeschooling and got a message that made my heart sink. They wanted to move Alyssa's appt to tomorrow(Thursday) instead of next Thursday. I guess they think that because the cells from the FNA came back abnormal they are ready to pursue the Giant behind door number 3 - Lymphoma. The appt. tomorrow is to discuss them doing a open biopsy where they remove part of the tissue of the swollen Lymph node to do further testing to determine if it is in fact Lymphoma. Needless to say - mom is a basketcase. Dad is a flurry of pursuing all natural options and doing research and Alyssa is moving on like nothing is happening. I so wish I could do that. I cry at the drop of a hat - i spent from 4:11am to 5:45am tossing and turning. Preparing myself for what might come and praying HARD. I am trying to be as realistic as possible. Trying to prepare for the events to come and realize what is really important and what is not. I am staring selling my herd in the face because I do not know if I can do this right now and care for my daughter IF it is Lymphoma. I think I am glad I sold down this past year to those i thought were really outstanding and was willing to cull ruthlessly this year and next. It makes it a little easier to part with them if the need should arise. I stepped down as the assistant leader of our 4H club last night. I am getting ready to step down as Show Secretary for the Quad show this May as well. I just don't need anything extra on my plate right now. I need to be here and not scattered all over stretching myself thin for the duration. I just have to get thru it. Thank GOD that I have the support system and family I have or I do not know how I'd get through this at all. I know I am blessed beyond measure even in the trials and tribulations of life. I am very concerned for my daughter - she is so quiet about all that is happening to her - opening up isn't really her strong suit so I just want to be there for her.....whatever she needs of me. And watching Suzy and Nik be so loving and caring toward their sister is beautiful.....I just love my kids so much and this is really bringing to me the reality of what REALLY is important in life. Hug you loved ones this Valentine's Day and tell them how much they mean to you......don't wait until something scary happens. I know that God is in control and I am not and I'm really learning what it means to cling to HIM. Believe me, I'm clinging. And thank those folks in your life who are there for you - you never really realize what a blessing they are until something like this happens and you get so many calls, emails, etc
that tell you they are there for you - and by all means - if someone is going thru something rough - be there for them! It means a lot - I love you all and am so thankful and grateful for each one of you who have called or written to offer your support, prayers and care for us and our kids. You all mean the world to us right now even if it seems like I'm not available - I'm thanking HIM for each of you!!!!!