I Feel Like Crying.

Here we are, back at UNMH, presumably for our last treatment. We've been doing
Chemo since around 3:30pm (they decided that if we start earlier we might get to go home earlier - I agree!!!) Alyssa and I were changed into our jammies just relaxing and hanging out
I'm beading and Aly is watching NCIS. I had just hung up the phone from talking to my family and saying goodnight. In walks in admitting and they want us to pay a $150 copay. ARE THEY KIDDING? At 9pm? IN my jammies just before Alyssa is going to get sick from the chemo (usually 3 hours after the last drug is administered though we started early tonight.) Talk about catching someone unawares. I mean, this is our 4th admission and they've never ever done this before so why now and why this late at night (turns out admitting is open 24/7) I guess they've changed policies and they are being asked to make sure folks pay their copays when they check in - hence the episode leading me to be escorted down to admitting at 9:30 at night. It's not that it that big of a deal but I knew these things were coming and I guess it caught me off guard. After the stress of the day - I just feel like crying. I just want to be here with my precious daughter to help her through these rough spots......not running around UNMH late at night paying bills. GRRRRRRR!!!
On a more positive note - this is our last treatment, Alyssa got the Suite (the Princess is getting the royal treatment) You should see this room - It's HUGE. It's got two windows and two extra beds in it. Very roomy...apparently this is the room the kids request (hm. no one told us that we could request a room!) Anyway. We also ran into K. Yep he's here again (every week are his treatments) he updated us on his lung surgery (the last time we were here he was coming out of surgery) and it turns out the nodules were nothing more than some scar tissue (praise GOD!!!!)
and he only has 5 more treatments after this one because his last evaluations showed a 90% or more reduction in cancer cells (another Praise!!!!!) I am Thanking our Father for answered prayer for K. I also heard that M is doing pretty good as well. GOOD NEWS!!!
Well, we are going to try to hit the hay soon and hope the anti-nausea drugs keep the nausea at bay and we can get some sleep!
Please pray for our friends the A family - their daughter is going to have to go back to Ohio for another "reconstruction" and to help her be better able to care for herself. It apparently is going to be a MAJOR surgery for this little 5 year old - they will have to spend about 2 months in Ohio for the surgery and recovery. i know this will be hard on the family and on this precious little one. Please pray for them all. Also, they have a young pregnant goat who is having some problems and they are very worried about their little one. This a very beloved family pet. (all of their animals are of cours - like ours!) Please pray they are able to find out what is wrong with their doe and that she will be fine and deliver her babies safely in one month.....
thank you all for letting me unload. Just had to get that off my chest.

Been Awhile.

I seem to be back to the catch up gang and that means other things suffer a bit. Including this blog. I just happen to have a moment while cooking dinner to update everyone. Last week was fairly uneventful except for Alyssa's side effects sending her up and down in the pain, headache, tiredness and lethargy departments. We were able to hedge the effects of the Vincristine on Friday with a prescription of Percocet (one is all it took and she only took Tylenol after that - she's like her mom - doesn't like the strong drugs and the wierd way they make you feel).
The friday appt wasn't as long as the last time and I feel like we are just getting the hang of it all.
To think - we figure things out and we are almost done and I hope I NEVER have to use my knowlege AGAIN!!!!! This week, despite dipping blood levels she seems to be on a much more even keel and we actually got quite a bit of homeschooling done (not everything but still!)
I got a phone call from a dear fiber buddy who has been praying for us since this all began and she said her 70 year old brother was diagnosed with the same thing - PLEASE pray for their family as well!!!!! I also need to catch up on some thank you's as well - To CH and family, SN and Family for the yummy meals you provided for us on Friday and Saturday - such a huge blessing to us to not have to worry about food for a few days! To DM and Family and SN and Family for the lovely flowers and gift card for Alyssa (PS - look at our website - link to right of this for cbfnigeriangoats and check out the upper right hand corner photo!!!!) To K,M and Family for the pizza night money!!!! Thank you so much!
WE are still on a high from the news that Aly is in remission - it is so nice to think everyday when giving shots, going thru blood draws, watching that date for the next treatment looming that really there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!
Thank you all again for your prayers, support, and blessings - we could NOT do this without All of you - LS - thank you again for coordinating EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Deep Breath

Today we get ready to go back in for Treatment set 2. The biggest thing is that her blood counts be above 750 today - they were 704 on Monday. she has been having so much fun with her best friend and they are leaving today so I know that this will be hard. But we have stuff that will keep our minds off of heavy hearts. Just gotta get it all done in time.
Tomorrow is the PET/CT scan at 10am. We are supposed to check in at clinic after the PET/CT and then off to the PSCU to prepare for treatment. I hope we are prepared this time a little better. We bought drinks and some snack food that should be fine for her tender tummy.
I still have to go get Sprite. Then we have to pack bags (but need to finish laundry first!!!) .
The other kids will go to Grandma's. This weekend at the goat show is also the Fundraiser -
They are having a Silent Auction - if anyone wants to go - it is at the Livestock Pavilion at Expo NM. You can enter in thru gate 6 turn right immediately and the white building strait in front is the Pavilion (there is parking behind the building) Follow the sounds of goats hollering!!!!
It is not to late to donate if you want to the silent Auction - as far as I know Linda, Sandy, Heather and Donna are still taking donations.
Prayer Requests - I have several today- that the blood counts today are high enough for her to begin treatment tomorrow. (over 750) and that the CT/PET scan shows an 80+% in tumor reduction and no active cells so she doesn't have to do radiation or more chemo. Please pray for a friend of mine - I can give no details but just lift her and her family up and that God's peace and strength will just be upon them for the difficulties they are facing. For another friend who had to file bankruptcy due to the housing market insanity- for their peace and God's provision for them to get back on their feet. That the medications would work for Alyssa and that this Chemo won't be as hard as the last one was.
Praise Reports - her spirits have been high from her getting so spend 3 wonderful days with our friends. It really has been a boost for her.
Thank yous - To everyone who is praying for her to get thru this treatment, for those who are fasting for her tomorrow at Saturday during her treatments - Your devotion and support are soooooo appreciated! To my goat buddies who are putting on this fundraiser for us. Thank you all so much. SR for giving our little Pepper a home! The J Family for just coming and holding us up these past few days - for your distraction and shoulder to cry on. REALLY needed that!!!

Beauty from Ashes.

AS most of you know my day yesterday started out yuck (Ashes) but it certainly improved. I called the Dr. and he said the exposure was so minimal in his eyes that we didn't even need to come in (unless of course we see a strange rash - blisters) But he doubts that she was even actually exposed. PHEW!!!! After church (which was awesome we hadn't been in a while and it was soooo nice to see everyone!) my inlaws came down to visit - Alyssa was so happy to see her cousins (again - it's been at least 3 weeks). I went to my SWNDGC show planning meeting and got home around 5:45 to our friends from Texas whom we are so incredibly glad are here!!!! and 3 baby goats. This is Z4 - a doeling who looks like her older half sister Twinkle Lil Star (this one has a white spot on her belly and a frosted muzzle.)

This is Z3 - the little bucking who looks more like his mom than the other two. He is a chocolate Chamoisee - I will band and sell him as a pet.

This is Z5 - the last doeling and so pretty - Did not expect this color/pattern at all (Dad is black with a white band )

Here is the whole crew inspecting the baby hut with heat lamp - it is cold and windy here right now - should have known Joie would kid the minute the weather turned UGLY!!!! I stuck the other 2 mommas in waiting in a fenced off area of the kidding pen as Dixie was looking a little off last night - I wouldn't be a bit surprised if we had another set of babies VERY SOON!!!! She lost her mucus plug last night.

For everyone who called and commented - Thank you - Aly said I was blowing things out of proportion but seriously - who can blame a mom for not wanting to inflict more pain and stuff on her child who has already been thru so much - feelings are what they are - I had them - maybe I just needed a good cry!!!! So my day started out with a few ashes and were blown away by the beauty of a bunch of HUGS from our heavenly Father!

Prayer Requests - For our friends who are going thru cancer treatments themselves - LORD uphold them thru the treatments and the good days and the bad days - what a blessing to be able to see them and know that you are just strengthening them in their walk thru this disease.

Also for M&M B who lost their Grandmother to Lung Cancer this past week - Give them strength and your words to comfort their family this week during the funeral.

Praise Reports - The Joyce's got here safe and sound after a 10 hour drive (T only had 4 1/2 hours of sleep the night before so we are glad they are here and safe!!!) Their being here sure has put the biggest smile on Aly's face - just the "medicine" she needs. And of course the babies.

Thank Yous - I have to thank profusely the W family for blessing us yesterday - BEYOND MEASURE. You guys are so incredibly sweet for your gift and I am humbled!!!! Also Thank you to the SWNDGC - seeing you all yesterday and being a part of this group is truly a blessing.

YOU all made me cry with your generosity and caring! Aly appreciates it so much!!!

Time for more Tears

Yesterday I took a meal to someone and the caretaker had shingles. I was exposed before I knew. and the worst part of it all was I FORGOT this was a risk. I woke up at 3 am feeling that
forboding but couldn't figure out why, then it hit me like a ton of bricks - I unknowingly put Alyssa at risk. Sure it was unintentional but could still be serious (Thank our dear LORD her counts are higher ) so I have to call the clinic first thing this am to see what we need to do.
I just sobbed last night. I know it is my responsibility to protect her and I put her in harms way and it feels just HORRID. I realize how very vulnerable she is and how incredibly easy it is to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. When I was crying it woke Aaron up and she was awake (says she is soooo excited about her friends coming in that she couldn't sleep) and she came in.
She is so easy going - like it was no big deal = TOO ME it is a big deal. She will probably have to go in for another shot today or tomorrow to cover her. I still feel horrible over this. But she said to me - MOM, you just can't help but be nice - it's OK. I guess I'm doing as well or being as brave as I'd like everyone to believe. I just feel so helpless to keep her safe - I want us to live as normal a life as we can and when she's feeling so good and looking so healthy I see how easy it is to make mistakes that could be serious - no amount of handwashing, sanitizing, cleaning, can make you 100% safe. I talked to my mom once about her going thru Chemo and about folks "making you an invalid" I don't want to do that to my daughter - when she's feeling good and her counts are good I do want her to try to live as normal as possible!!!!! At the same time I see the desire to keep her safe from all harm, to not let her suffer any more than she has to in order to get her cured and back to normal. IT is a hard balance to strike and it hit me like a ton of bricks last night. I think I am feeling sad on top of it because she's loosing her hair and I know what that means to her and there's nothing I can do to stop it(short of supergluing her hair to her head which she said is unacceptable) and that she is already showing signs of being apprehensive about going back into treatment this coming Friday (can't we just ignore that friday is coming and live for the moment!!!!) and I can't tell her "naw, Honey, we can just skip it!" SKIPPING it is NOT optional but it is so hard to see your daughter going thru something that makes her that sick and that much in pain - to sign on the dotted line and OKAY this for her when you want to keep her from being sick and being in so much pain. I am not sure what is worse: the trepidation of not knowing what will happen or having the knowlege and expectation of the past treatment. *sigh*. Thanks for letting me pour my heart out, I'm still brushing away tears as I write this - my heart is being ripped out of my chest but I try to be strong at home for her and the rest of my family. I am just feeling so bad right now I have to get it out somewhere.
Prayer Requests = that God would protect her from shingles and that we can get right in for the shot if need be. Also for a young man M who is going thru Leukemia - technically he is cancer free according to his APS Liason who is a friend of mine but he's gone thru some pretty major treatments including full body radiation and a bone marrow transplant. Pray for his family and him. He is still suffering vomiting and nausea from the treatments despite them ending months ago and also for those who work with him. I know my friend is awesome and that he's gettng what he needs in school etc despite having to work thru this!!!
Praise Reports - the Joyce's come to town today and our babies are due soon - I moved the 3 due does to the front kidding pen and it looks like the storm will be here right on time!!!! Since my goats always seem to kid when there is inclement weather - it's perfect.

Settling back in

Boy is it nice to be home. WE are trying to settle back in here at home which isn't easy - life doesn't take a break just because you are gone - laundry is still piling up while you are trying to unpack from the week at the hospital. And of course there is all the regularly scheduled life things - like Karate and 4H. I still am not 100%unpacked and we sat down and worked on getting some school done - didn't finish and Alyssa didn't do hardly anything - I think she's trying to play the "I can't do school - I have cancer" card which the Dr., nurses and social workers all said would happen. They said make her go back to normal as soon as possible. Guess what she'll be doing today. Our schedule was thrown off some by the blood draw (first time with the home health nurse). The first nurse came and had trouble accessing her port for the blood draw (tried twice - OUCH!) Then she called her supervisor who had to drive out from ABQ - we waited about 40 minutes for her. She tried twice and finally had success the second time. Boy am I glad I don't have to do that - though I probably could - if was aweful just watching Aly's face thru it all.
So after a full day - I took the younger two to Karate and got home and cooked dinner (after one week off you'd think I'd be spoiled but it kind of felt good to do it again) and when Aaron got home we had two meals - haha - we were generously given a meal from Aaron's work - Pot roast and veggies - so we had a feast!!!!
Trying to remember to give her meds when she is supposed to have them is a bit on the challenging side since my brain is still not functioning normally from all of this. But we are managing - Poor kid - while I was giving the Neupogen shot she just looked at me and said I'm SICK of all of this. Aaron is trying to get her to see the positive side of this and mommy is trying not to give in to "the face" you know - puppy dog eyes and quivering chin.
Prayer Requst - For the W Family and the C Family who are also going thru cancer - the husband has Leukemia in one Family and the wife in the other. Just pray for God's strength to be poured out on these families. And His peace to be on them as they walk thru this trial as families!!!! That we can get back to more or less normal soon.
Praise - Despite the drama getting the blood - her blood counts came back normal and high (which they said was from the Neupogen so it wasn't surprising - they said the counts will drop)
Thank you to the H family at Aaron's work for the yummy meal, the Joyce's for the awesome card which brought the biggest smile to Aly's face yesterday and for the two super nice nurses for finally getting the blood so we don't have to drive into the clinic twice this week!!!!!

Finally Home!!!

WE got a call this morning - Dr. Winter will be in for rounds in 1 hour and he's planning on releasing Alyssa - WE flew up there - Super Grandma stayed with Aly for the night again and
it is so nice to A) see Aly smile B) Hear her voice C) Have her HOME!!!!!!
What a great day. She says she is feeling much better and is eating a little bit and drinking her smoothie. (Doing Big Time Happy Dances) .

Now I just have to remember when to give her all her meds and make sure we are on time for all her appts.
Our precious neighbors Bob and Geri are providing dinner (PIZZA) and we are just planning on
staying home and having a quiet family day today.
Thank you all for your prayers - they worked.
PS - Please continue prayer for that baby I talked about yesterday - we do not know what he has but his family isn't around a lot and I am gathering he's been there since he was born!!!!!!!
Poor little baby. We all were ready to volunteer to hold him while we were there.
I met a young man there from Alyssa's teen group (I'll call him K) please keep K in prayer he has a Cancer in his bones and is in for treatments too (been there all week also) and he is going in next month for surgery on his lungs. I gather he is being raised by elderly grandparents.
Lift him up to our dear LORD too - he's a sweetie - he came by to see how Aly's treatments went and when she got to go home. What a doll!

Better Now

After a long day the nurses used the anti- nausea drugs to bring Alyssa to a place where she is more comfortable and Yes - even chipper!!!!! Grandma is back at the hospital tonight with her
sweetie -pie. Grandma found something that Alyssa would actually eat - a croissant. YIPPEE!
I ran to the pharmacy which ended up taking an hour to pick up the last few things we had prescribed and need before she comes home. I do believe that she is feeling good enough to
not have to stay any longer than tonight. She said she's ready!!!!!! WE are praying Dr. Winter thinks so too! About Dr. Winter - he's got a reputation - not a bad one! He's the Dr. that wears bowties (Do they still make them?????) anyway, he came in today sans the bowtie and said he doesn't wear them on weekends! He's so cute (for a mature man/Dr.) And what a nice guy - he really cares about his patients. I am glad he's Alyssa's primary Dr. - NOT that any of the other Dr.s would have been less that awesome - I am absolutely sure they would be.
I took a two hour nap with Suzy and we have enough food to feed an army so I'm going to take a shower and do a little bit of the chores I need to do and then RELAX tonight.

Prayer Request - the kiddo in the room next to us is in severe pain - He/she cries a lot and you can tell they just hurt all the time. Of course the nurses try to make him/her feel as comfortable as possible but still - my heart just breaks for this one. Please pray that God would calm the pain of this little one. Also down the hall that we go thru to come and go there is a little baby who has been there at least as long as we have. I see the exhaustion of the parents - please pray for this baby as well and for the parents to be given the strength to carry on. I know this is hard on them and I just wish I could go give them a hug.
Praise - your prayers were heard - God really brought Alyssa around today and is making Grandma and mom happy with her progress so I know she'll get to come home tomorrow.
She even looked GREAT before I left the hospital around 2:30pm. I cried happy tears on the way home

Alyssa's Update

Yesterday Dr. Winter came in and gave us the whole run down on all of the meds/chemo she will be getting to kick this cancer. He is taking the least traumatic path for her and they are going to watch her close. Last night she started the Chemo and she was pretty dang scared. I can't say I blame her. She knows this is necessary but the side effects - if she gets them - are fairly daunting to anyone but I can't imagine for a 14 year old. She wanted us to take her home. I so wish I could have. I would have LOVED to. But I'd also LOVE to see my happy, healthy, fiesty teenager back. All the wonderful care, support and spoiling she's been receiving can't replace what she'd love to be doing - leading a normal life. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. She met with the teen group last night and the Chemo sort of took center stage so I didn't get to hear much about it. I'm sure I will find out today. I am hoping to keep it a sort of quiet day with very little visitors etc. IF she is going to have the side effects the Dr. said it would be today.
I'm still hoping they are minimal but you never know. IF she tolerates the drugs ok she gets to come home Sat which is better than Dr. Winter's original reply when asked - He said EARLY next week ! Yuck.
Prayer requests - please pray for Nik who is really having a tough time with the upheaval of his life. I never really realized how much he likes routine and "our normal life" . He is very stressed out and cranky from all this. Last night we just came home and hung for a little while with the babies which was great and then we came in, did a few things and went to bed. We all needed the rest badly and I think the late nights and early mornings of running to ABQ are getting to the kids.
Praise reports - Thank you LORD for Grandma offering to stay with Alyssa last night so mom, dad and kids could have some time. Grandma is a 30 year cancer survivor. She's been thru this and can probably understand what Alyssa is going thru better than any of us. She is awesome and has been a great companion to Alyssa and I thru this as well as just being there as a sounding board and of course her experience has made her uniquely equipped to help us all cope. She has good sound advice for surviving this intact - all of us!!!!!
Again Thank you Val for the AWESOME Boston Market Dinner you sent to us last night. It was all good and we ate ourselves silly and had some to share. Our refrige is full of leftover too so we know that Aaron has something to take to work for lunch also!
I am sure I'm forgetting someone or something - your kindness has not gone unnoticed, my brain is a little fuzzy at time from stress and lack of sleep so I don't always get folks who deserve Thanks recognized. But we do appreciate all you all have done!!!!!

PRAISE REPORT!!!!!!

Today was a great day - I can't post pics from here but I wanted to let everyone know that
our bone marrow biopsy came back NEGATIVE - Wahoo!!!!!!! She is at Stage 2 A....which means that she is fairly localized and has no 'bad" side symptoms such as night sweats, weight loss etc. and no cancer inthe bone marrow.
Narnia the goat gave birth to two babies around 1pm today - My neighbor heard a funny noise in our barn and came to check and then did her amazing goat midwifery. The first baby - boy is HUGE and was kind of stuck and the second is a beautiful little girl. I can't wait until I can post the pics. they are beautiful little Alpine/Boer crosses and they look more Boer that Alpine.
I can honestly say that today has been the best day of all this so far. We are so happy her bone marrow tests came back so good and all the Dr.s were throwing a party downstairs when they came back!!!!!
We also found out that the Lymphoma color is LIME GREEN (like breast cancer is pink) which is one of Alyssa's FAVORITE colors. YIPEE!!
LOTS to praise LORD about today.
Also, we were told that a young girl (my cousins' niece) has her whole class at Hope praying for Alyssa also - Thank you!!!!!
I'd say that this cancer doesn't stand a chance - That is worth some serious praise.
Prayer requests - Tomorrow we meet with Dr. Winter on the Cancer Treatment Plan and then she will start her treatment tomorrow as well so we are asking that the Chemo doesn't knock her down too much so she can go home earlier rather than later - She'd sure like to get home this weekend and see the babies. (So would mom) and she is really missing her dog.
We would reallly like to make it home BEFORE when they are saying - early next week.
UGH.
thank you LA, Dianne, and Rebecca for the food you sent us - we really appreciate it.